I decided to start writing again for several reasons: A) I feel like I need to vent to someone, even if it's to myself. It at least feels like someone's listening if I'm writing it down, right? B) I am agitated today. And, C) What better way to occupy my lonely, boring nights than rambling on and on about things that most of the world doesn't give a fuck about. And I guess I also feel the need to be honest in a raw sort of way at times. Again, even if I'm the only one reading this. I do matter. That's part of my New Year's Eve Mantra anyway :)
So, let's start with today's agitation: Dave. Wow..I bet if anyone knows me this sounds like a disc that keeps on skipping to the same thing. The thing is that I am ridiculously forgiving. I don't give people 2nd chances; I give people 2 million chances. I have a forgiving spirit. I suppose that's sometimes a good thing, but when it comes to Dave, it most certainly is not. I'm so fed up with him treating my daughter is though she's a burden. Whether he says it that way or not, it's all in his actions. Today I text him to see if he wants to keep Layla overnight. His response, "Sorry just woke up. Met with band last night that I'm filming 2day. Going over there set and where I need to be type stuff. Can't get her. Wish Icould. Just too short notice and I gotta gig to set up and shoot. Give her a kiss for me." First of all, he responded to my text at 2:30 in the afternoon. I'm just so sick of him acting like Layla is an option. I see my nephew more than he sees his own daughter. Am I the only person who sees a problem with this?! I just wish I could turn back time. I'd love to keep my Layla and just have her never know that Dave is her biological father. Or, better yet, have her not really be his child at all. I just wish he knew what it was like to not only be a parent, but to be a parent of a special needs child. Not once has he woken up with her in the middle of night. Not once has he taken her to a doctor's appointment. Never has he met with her teachers, let alone actually take her or pick her up from school. Maybe this is a test for me. I know it makes me a better person, but it's fucking exhausting.
